For those of you traveling in Europe, Brazil and/or the Middle East, it's old news that "Eating Levi" can be found on television (usually playing somewhere between the Ronco apple peel-o-matic and Juiceman's "Juicebox Hero" video).

For those of us stateside, it might surprise and delight you that, when taking your vacation abroad, there is an alternative on cable and pay-per-view aside from the adult films on Spectravision.  Below, please find a glowing review from the Jerusalem Post.  At least, that's what our distributor told me.  It could actually be a terrible review, or worse, this could be a story about Levi Oliver and his attempt to go over and start a tamale business.

For purposes of this entry, let's stick to "glowing review."

LeviReviewinHebrew

Shreveport's film scene strikes again! 

This time, David Carr, the entertainment powerhouse writer, takes on S'port's film scene and great reasons to shoot here like the fact that the locals make the production folks warm cookies:

Son of a Gun, Hollywood Has Big Fun on the Bayou

SHREVEPORT, La. — There is a backlot feel to Shreveport, tucked in “Ark-La-Tex,” the nexus of three states where the piney woods encircle sloughs and bayous. Its post-boom downtown — the oil and gas petered out in the mid-1980s — has plenty of fine old buildings, not many people and, along with a bit of dissipation, an air of expectation, as if the circus might suddenly crest a hill and bring all manner of hoopla.

Look closer and you will see that the circus, or its Hollywood cousin, is already here. A spoof called “Disaster Movie” has closed off a downtown street, turning the Chamber of Commerce building into a natural history museum. All those trucks near Swepco Park in North Shreveport? That’s the gang from “Microwave Park,” including Val Kilmer, Sharon Stone and 50 Cent. Not long ago, both Mr. Kilmer and 50 Cent stopped by the Noble Savage, a downtown bar, where they welcomed the director Oliver Stone and the crew that had just arrived to make “W,” a dark comedy about the 43rd president of the United States.

Shreveport, home to about 200,000, equally divided between black and white, has become a kind of Hollywood South. More than 40 mostly independent productions, both television and film, have turned this very Southern city into a location stand-in for New York, Alaska and Maine in movies like “Blonde Ambition,” “Factory Girl,” “The Mist,” “Harold and Kumar Escape From Guantánamo Bay” and “The Great Debaters.”

Major film-industry companies like Paskal Lighting, Cinelease and Panavision all have permanent presences here. And last month Nu Image/Millennium Films, a producer and distributor of independent films like “Mad Money” and “My Mom’s New Boyfriend,” announced the construction of a 6.7-acre production campus with a planned expansion to a 20-acre full-service studio that will have three sound stages, production offices, a mill and a prop house.

Filmmakers arrive at this unlikely destination first and foremost for the incentives. The state offers a 25 percent tax credit for in-state spending, which bumps to 35 percent when the money goes to Louisiana production crews.

That still does not explain the choice of Shreveport, which has its charms but is close to not much of anywhere. Two evacuations, one caused by market forces and the other created by Hurricane Katrina, help to explain how pictures of the actor Oliver Platt and the director Harold Ramis came to hang in the local Starbucks.

When the local economy went bust in the 1980s, a lot of jobs in heavy industry disappeared. But the city was left with a substantial infrastructure, with varied architecture and numerous highways, nice characteristics if you’re making a movie. And when Hurricane Katrina came along in 2005, many productions working with state tax credits in New Orleans had to scramble for both higher ground and a place to finish their films.

And though there are no direct flights to Shreveport from Los Angeles and New York, city officials try to overcome what would seem to be a deal-breaker by doubling down on the hospitality.

Lampton Enochs and Alissa Kantrow are partners in Louisiana Production Consultants, and they manage Mansfield Studios, a converted former Western Electric building with 26-foot-high ceilings and 120,000 square feet of production space.

“Shreveport was not a city I was familiar with,” said Mr. Enochs, whizzing around the space in a golf cart. “But when the storm came, we were in New Orleans and a month away from production on ‘Thief’ for Fox. The crews came up, and then we found this amazing old downtown and all of these great neighborhoods with turn-of-the-century homes. The costs were low, the weather was good, and when you’d shoot in somebody’s home, some of them even bake cookies for the crew.”

Last week Arleena Acree, the city’s liaison with the film industry, was making the rounds and dealing with various frantic requests on her cellphone, including those for potential sets for “Billy the Exterminator,” a reality show from A&E, and a production that was shopping for closed schools. With plenty of parks, cemeteries and public buildings, the city does not charge location or shooting permits and closes streets on very short notice.

“In a city of this size, the economic impact of these film projects is felt by everyone,” said Michael P. Moorhead, who runs StageWorks of Louisiana, a production complex housed in a former convention center. “There is zero degrees of separation, and when you are looking at $200 million to $300 million in spending, it becomes very tangible.”

Jason White, a local merchant who runs Foam It, which fabricates architectural elements, can attest to that. When “Year One,” a coming Jack Black movie, came to town, the producers ordered 90,000 square feet of manufactured paving stones. Wearing his L.S.U. hat, Mr. White walked around a business on the outskirts of town that has grown to 12,000 square feet from 2,000 square feet.

“Eighty percent of that growth is from the movie business,” he said, mentioning that just that morning, the producers of “W” had come in looking for architectural elements to mimic Kennebunkport, Me., and Crawford, Tex.

It is that economic infusion, the kind that pumps new blood and money into a post-industrial city, that has state and local governments all around the country constantly wooing the entertainment industry. New York, for example, recently announced new incentives, partly to make sure that American productions stay in its state, not Connecticut or Vancouver or, sometimes, Romania. With the dog fight among all the competing locales, there is a chance that it will turn into a zero-sum game.

At Shreveport’s City Hall, Mayor Cedric B. Glover said that while he enjoys bumping into 50 Cent and all, he is more interested in other, more financially material byproducts. “The spending is very significant, they don’t pollute, and almost everything they touch they leave behind better than they found it. What’s not to like about that?” he said.

Shreveport will never be mistaken for SoHo or West Hollywood. But it is not without charms. Herby K’s Shrimp Buster will satisfy crews or fatten up talent; the fried chicken at the Cotton Boll will do the same even quicker; and the Blind Tiger and the Superior Steak House will meet more sophisticated culinary needs. For the moviegoing experience, there’s the gorgeous new $4.2 million Robinson Film Center, with screening rooms and a restaurant of its own.

“From what I was told to expect, I pulled up looking for a dirt road and a McDonald’s, and it was nothing like that,” said Jerry Jacobs, a producer of “Disaster Movie.” “For our purposes, it is as easy to shoot here as it would be on the backlot of Universal. And the only real culture shock has been adjusting to how unusually friendly people are.”

The producer David Friendly, who made “Little Miss Sunshine,” recently got back to Los Angeles from Shreveport after producing “Soul Men” with Bernie Mac and Mr. Jackson. He did not consider it a hardship tour.

“My two-room suite on the 11th floor of the Hilton, complete with two large plasma TVs, cost about the price of a decent dinner in L.A., about $159 per night,” he recalled. “The bar was sort of the general congregating spot for folks from any of the six movies either in preproduction or shooting while we were there.“

Last Tuesday, inside Freddy Mac’s, a bar downtown, workers were laying tiles on the dance floor when Mr. Stone emerged, having just walked through the scene with Josh Brolin, who is playing George W. Bush.

“I’m used to making movies around here,” Mr. Stone said. “I made four movies in Dallas. And where we are right now,” he said, gesturing toward the town and the plains beyond, “is Bush country, so it feels right.”

“You get something working with extras from here,” Mr. Stone added. “Look, these people are gamblers and roughnecks. They know all about boom and bust. This is a second-chance town. I just read that there may be a huge reserve of gas right under the city that was not discovered until very recently.”

Mr. Stone is right. Speculators are already moving in on word a few weeks ago that the so-called Hayneville Shale field may be a mother lode of gas deposits. The backlot of Shreveport, already rich in lore, may be picking up a few new characters and a twist in the plot.

This was reported in the Austin American Statesman by friend Chris Garcia (my initial reaction was:  Who would have guessed?):

[This is the abridged version, for the unabridged go to Austin360.com]

SHREVEPORT, La. — Less than three years after Shreveport became Louisiana's de facto film capital, the city's movie industry is riding high. Thanks to aggressive statewide financial incentives, the casino-friendly city on the Red River has become one of the most attractive and busiest locations in the country for feature film and television production, surpassing Austin, once vaunted as Hollywood South, with stunning speed and volume.

Since late 2005, when Hurricane Katrina forced film production from New Orleans and Baton Rouge to the Shreveport-Bossier City area, Shreveport has seized upon filmmaking almost entirely on the power of a 6-year-old financial incentive program, which offers filmmakers 25 percent cash rebates (or tax credits) for all in-state spending on things like equipment rentals, food service, hotel rooms and, at a lower rate, labor. The primary rebates are five times the rate of Texas movie incentives.

It has been so successful that other states have upped or forged incentive programs to compete with Louisiana, whose film industry enjoyed a record year in 2007: Its 53 film and television projects poured $400 million into the state.

Shreveport hosted 24 of those projects, bringing in $182 million. In May alone, at least four major movie projects set up shop in Shreveport, including the Jim Carrey comedy "I Love You Phillip Morris" and Oliver Stone's controversial George W. Bush biographical project "W."

In contrast, Austin attracted $38.6 million in film spending last year, down from a recent high of $95.8 million in 2003. And despite a busy spring that includes productions of "Will," "Tree of Life" and "Shorts," Austin is likely to end the year far behind its Louisiana rival.

"It's an arms race between states," said Amber Havens, a representative of the Office of Entertainment Industry Development, part of the department of Louisiana Economic Development. "Each state is going to have to evaluate what is the return. These new states that come out with guns blazing tend to fall by the wayside."

Movies have opted out of Texas, too. Texas-set films "The Great Debaters" and "No Country for Old Men," chose Shreveport and New Mexico, respectively,for the bulk of their productions. (Many exterior scenes for the Oscar-winning "No Country" were shot in West Texas.) Groups such as the lobbying outfit Texas Motion Picture Alliance are working hard to boost Texas incentives to 10 percent or 15 percent this year.

Texas, which developed a thriving film culture after the rise of independent productions in the 1980s and '90s, has been hard hit by the neighborly competition.

State Rep. Warren Chisum, R-Pampa, chairman of the Texas House Appropriations Committee, said lawmakers probably would support more money for the industry if Perry can justify it. But he said the Legislature would continue to fashion its incentives to help the Texas-based segments of the industry.

"We're just not going to give money away," he said. "If we get outbid, we get outbid."

State Rep. Dawnna Dukes, who carried the incentive legislation in the House last year, agrees. In some instances, the Austin Democrat said, other states are giving away more money than they get in economic development.

"Ours is a return on investment," she said. Dukes said her conservative colleagues will be looking at the past performance of last year's incentives. But she said she's optimistic: "If it is doing well, increasing production in the state and increasing revenue to the state, we'll have support for more."

Don Baylor of the Center for Public Policy Priorities in Austin said the economic argument is "a zero-sum game."

"There's much more prestige that comes with having the film industry in your state than there is true economic impact," the senior policy analyst said. "It's not really a sustainable effort. You're subsidizing things one project at a time, and the impact is fleeting."

Red carpet treatment

Shreveport remains what Variety magazine calls the granddaddy of successful film incentives, but more than irresistible financial breaks draw productions to the city.

Shreveport has developed a sophisticated filmmaking infrastructure, including a healthy film-crew base, equipment vendors and three enormous production studios: StageWorks of Louisiana, Mansfield Studios and Stage West. The Louisiana Wave Studio, an 8,000-square-foot tank holds 750,000 gallons of water that can create giant waves and simulate ocean storms. Millennium Films is building a $10 million, 100,000-square-foot studio in the city this year.

Comparatively light street traffic, easy access to all parts of the city in 10 to 15 minutes, and low-cost housing compound the appeal. (The median home price in Shreveport in early 2008 was $131,000, compared with $184,000 in Austin.) The city government bends over backwards to aid filmmakers and smooth the process, waiving permit fees for location shooting and offering free city water to productions for simulated rain and floods. The City of Austin discounts services but rarely offers them for free.

"Customer service is everything," said Acree, Shreveport's film director. "We really roll out the red carpet for them."

Acree said she helps productions find crew and office space and scouts locations.

Like Central Texas, the Shreveport area provides versatile landscapes and architecture that, with little modification, can stand in for almost anywhere.

Austin beats Shreveport for resident film crews — about 400 workers to Shreveport's 160 — but there's fear that stronger out-of-state incentives will siphon off crew members, everyone from hair and makeup artists to grips and electricians. Almost 25 percent of Texas' crew base has taken jobs in Louisiana and New Mexico, and some of them are moving away permanently for consistent work, Hudgins said.

The talent drain reaches as far as Hollywood. Jim Hayes, a prop master and owner of LA House of Props, moved from Los Angeles to Shreveport last year and has worked on films such as "The Mist" and "Beyond a Reasonable Doubt."

"The hospitality is No. 1, and it's still No. 1," Hayes said. "The incentives are fantastic, and that's what brings everybody here. But once they get here they want to come back because everyone is so accommodating and it's so easy to get around.

"The city is just super about getting us permits to block off streets and you name it. Everyone gets spoiled by how easy it is to work here. It's 180-degrees different from any place else." He also reports a significantly more affordable cost of living in Shreveport.

These virtues nudged Shreveport-Bossier City to third place in MovieMaker Magazine's 2008 "10 Best American Cities to Live, Work and Make Movies," which focuses on independent films that cost less than $1 million. The area was No. 6 in 2007.

No. 1 on the magazine's 2008 list: Austin.

Austin's advantage

So why is Austin still in the game?

"We do have a proven track record," Alvarado-Dykstra said. "Every major Hollywood studio has made a movie here since 2000, and every major network has done a series or pilot in Texas in the past few years. So there's a sense of comfort and security about this being a good place to make movies, to bring them in on time and on budget."

Austin's competitive edge is based on cultural, not financial, incentives: a large, respected film school at the University of Texas, resident film pioneers like Richard Linklater, Robert Rodriguez, Bill Witliff and Mike Judge, as well as decades-old film advocates such as the Austin Film Society.

Yet, despite Austin's durable appeal — the 7-year-old Austin Studios, undergoing $6 million in improvements this year; direct flights (Shreveport has few); the city's nightlife and general quality of life — the region is in a fight for its filmmaking life.

Hefty incentives or not, Austin stays in the game mainly because it's a desirable place to work and live.

"My old line is that there's a reason they pay you to film in Shreveport, which is: It's Shreveport," said Gary Bond, director of the Austin Film Commission. "It's easier to get talent to come to Austin or Texas. Do you want to spend six months in Bossier City or six months in Austin?"

I bitch, and I moan about this place (Is Target really cool?  Is that rebel flag supposed to be ironic?  What is a TGI Friday's and why do they serve something called a Sicilian Parmesan Crusted Quesadilla?  Gator tastes best if you do what to it?), and then, when you least expect it, it turns on you and goes from ugly strip center to Bohemian honkytonk of a town.

A good example was this past weekend.  Though it's hard to say, I was wowed by what our city of Shreveport had to offer.

I love being able to start off this way,  sounds kind of regal and cultured: 
We began the weekend by taking the Shreveport Symphony rehearsal for Holst's "The Panets".  Watching Michael Butterman, the conductor, up there going through movements and then replaying and rehearsing those movements was pretty amazing.  The highlight for the kids had to be the free donuts which led to jittery behavior which led to the banging of the seat which led our departure.

Tip #1: Any festival spelling its name in balloons has got to be good.

Next stop was Artbreak.  Artbreak is run by the Shreveport Regional Arts Council, and is one of the largest children's art fest in the country.  I know, I know.  I didn't want to believe it either.  I wanted to believe that Artbreak was some sort of anti-art festival.  Where children would be prompted to "break" free of the arts.  The festival in my mind had fingerpainting fires and small weapons practice on ceramic sculpture.  Not so, the festival was full of bright faced little tykes still believing that art is a viable occupation.  In fact, I got a little misty-eyed at the unbridled exuberance of the crowd.

Would-be child artists hawking their sand bracelets and vegetable sculptures.

In any other buzzing urban center, this first part of the day would be enough, but not Shreveport.  Next was the Tour Des Jardin (my Babelfish translates this as:  "May I have a cup of squash?").  This was a tour of the master gardens of Shreveport.  I never know you could grow so many plants.  Also, did you know that flowers don't come from shops?  They come from the ground!

These plants are all real.

As the night fell on our little ville, the vibe changed.  We dropped the kids off and headed downtown with friends (Q, Meesh, Patrick and Jen) to the opening of the complementary art exhibit to the aforementioned symphony.  A place named Artspace (a public art space, thusly proving out the name to be quite literal) which hosted local artists as they tackled the concept of visually representing the music renditions of Holst's planets.

If this wasn't enough (this would be the time most would think our city would retreat to the Outback for Awesome Blossoms), it was time to meander through our downtown streets to see if there was more fun to be had.

SIDE CONVERSATION WITH NO ONE IN PARTICULAR:  Did you use "meander" and "downtown streets" in the same sentence?  This particular night Shreveport was a walkable city.  Yes, I said meander.  Didn't I use the word correctly?

Stanton Dossett takes the mic at the Robinson Film Center Gala.

The end of the night was spent at the opening of the Robinson Film Center.  This center was the brainchild of some the coolest cats in Shreveport.  These guys and gals were crazy enough to think they could create an Indie and Foreign film enclave in Shreveport, Louisiana.  And if this wonderful edifice was any indication of success, look out Mann's Chinese!

Robinson

This was an interesting event in that Heidi and I found the food, drink and live music in a back room.  The room became a bit like a watering hole in the African savanna, and we were like the lounging zebras enjoying a night of rest and safety among our other animal friends.  As a result, liquored up and well fed, we left the room, only to find the party had ended 20 minutes before exiting.  In other words, I can't tell you much about the center except for the fact that it's cool, has good food and, I think, will show movies.

Well, here's to more nights like this in Shreveport.  Who knows?  Maybe the activity level will remain this high here and we will have to move back to Austin in order to slow things down.

Ah SXSW!

For those totally out of the know, SXSW is the best wholesale market for olive oil on the planet...that's not fair... I'm misleading you... SXSW is the best thinktank for nanotechnology and its use in children's chewable toys... again, I kid...  SXSW is ten days in Austin, Texas where the city is transformed by the descent of filmmakers, tech geeks and musicians.   The streets are filled with musicians, people are filming them (I think I saw Owen Wilson dancing in front of the White Stripes on Sixth Street) and those who don't have cameras and/or can't play an instrument are blogging about it.  SXSW makes Austin into a London meets Amsterdam that has a drink (probably a Pernod) with a smaller New York to the tune of a cool VW ad soundtrack.

Blogging Cows getting serious business done at SXSW Interactive

This is the truth.  It is a magical time for the city.  In fact, this "magic" is sooooo strong, it is said that people come to SXSW, immediately move to the city (raising real estate values to their current California-like levels) only to find that the SXSW spell dissipates immediately afterwards and, when confronted with a 126 degree May, end up moving right back to Marin County.

Last night, I attended the "Run Fat Boy, Run" (thanks Ethan) premiere.  It's a swing at British comedy by David Schwimmer.  With all respect to Mr. Schwimmer, it's a "Fish Called Wanda" meets "Knocked Up".  Here is a trailer:

For the heady, Interactive types (note: if you're still running Windows '98, can't have video on your iPod, or still ask your partners it you really need "www" in front of your Web addresses, you can skip this):

I'm here to attend the Film and Interactive parts of the festival.  If you're here, there's a big controversy here, this is so you can update yourself and look cool in front of your more geeky pals.  By the way, Zuckerberg is the 23-year-old CEO of Facebook.  He was interviewed by a friend Sarah Lacy.  Because of her softhanded style, she was heckled by the audience.

Here is the video filmed by former writing chum and uber tech know-it-all, Omar Gallaga:

The Academy Awards!  Yet another opportunity (along with March Madness, NFL Playoffs, American Idol, etc.) to print out the brackets and put your infinite wisdom on display.  This is especially true for your children.  It's important to show off your inifinite wisdom and shine as a bright intellectual to our offspring.  These types of exercises show them the power of your education and crank up their impressions of you as their hero.

This was the thinking as we gathered for a new family tradition of filling out our predictions and throwing $10 into the pot in a winner-take-all proposition.

Here is a sampling of the results:

Daniel Day Lewis and Tobias team up for a win

Best Actor:
Me:  Daniel Day Lewis
Heidi: Daniel Day Lewis
Tobias(8):  Daniel Day Lewis ("Of course.  Mom likes him.")
Winner: Daniel Day Lewis

Best Actress
Me:  Ellen Page
Heidi: Julie Christie
Tobias(8): Cate Blanchett ("Ooohhh.  I should have got that one!  I take French and I think she's French.")
Winner: Marie Cotillard

Best Supporting Actor
Me:  Tom Wilkinson
Heidi: Tom Wilkinson
Tobias(8): Javier Bardem
Winner: Javier Bardem

Javier nets the 8-year-old another win

Best Supporting Actress
Me:  Cate Blanchett
Heidi: Cate Blanchett
Tobias(8): Tilda Swinton ("I liked her name.")
Winner: Tilda Swinton

Best Animated Film
Me:  Persepolis
Heidi: Persepolis
Tobias(8): Ratatouille ("That was easy.")
Winner: Ratatouille

Best Picture
Me:  Michael Clayton
Heidi: There Will Be Blood
Tobias(8): No Country for Old Men ("'Transformers wasn't on there, so picked that one.")
Winner: No Country for Old Men

Tobias schools us again.

Needless to say, Tobias now has all of our money and has pledged to use the cash to get an education so he "can take care of us when you get old."
 
But we're smarter than you, Tobias.  We're the ones who know it all.

Tobias, as he counts his money:  "Smarter? Hmmmm.  Not so much,"

Levi takes tamales to the Newport Beach Film Fest

"Eating Levi" didn't get in to SXSW.

There, I typed it.  Now the healing can begin.

We received notice via E-mail and some really nice phone calls from friends and colleagues.

So...why no freak out?  Why no chest beating?  Or damning of the "unfairness" of the process?

Matt Dentler (and some insider pals) have always hinted to the fact that "Eating Levi" was always too short to submit as a feature (we are at 52 minutes, SXSW doesn't like to program features less than 70 minutes).

So what's next?

We had put most of our eggs in the SXSW basket, so we'll now start to submit to other fests.  We'll also probably accept the invite to the Spanish fest.

We will also plan an Austin showing and are working with someone to show the film in NYC.

Don't cry for me:  We have the opposite problem than the one I thought we would have.  I thought we would play the hell out of the festival circuit and make no money.  Presently, once this other license is sold to the Yes Network, we will be even on the film.  We have also retained all DVD rights and will begin selling them as soon as we print them up.

You're avoiding the question.  What's next?

Well, we are in talks about a new project and have lined up some preliminary dollars.  Hopefully, we'll take the proceeds from DVD and start shooting -- Tobias!  Put on the Viking helmet and burn down the neighbor's house.  But more about that later.

I know.  I know. This is a reprint of the January E-mail.  It was posted by request, not because my days in Louisiana have made me senile.

Compadres, Globetrotters and Anarchists,

[YAWN] [STRETCH] It's 2008? [HIT SNOOZE BUTTON] [ROLL OVER]

TRIPPING INTO THE NEW CENTURY:  Heidi and I can now be found orbiting each other in the Facebook universe ("Eating Levi" can also be found on MySpace).  We're having a contest to see who can gather more friends -- loser has to eat turkey tails (see below).  Come join the fray at:  Facebook.com.

Quote of the week:  "Stop licking mom's tongue!" - Daisy Kallenberg, 6.

Runner-up:  "If you ever need a Viking or someone who can use a sword, call me." - Roy, the man who came to fix our fireplace, as he told about his involvement in the Louisiana Renaissance scene.  Not wanting to pass up this opportunity, I'm searching frantically for a reason to pillage my neighborhood.

Winners of the Cajun Gift Basket for New Year's resolutions:
Mark Allen of White Development - "To build the Kallenberg suite in Austin that will be cleared every time you announce a return to the city." (I'm holding you to that.)
Cory Allen, artist extraordinaire - "To explore the true meaning between Zen thinking, socialist government housing and a ham sandwich." (We're expecting updates.)
Sandi Kallenberg - "I promise not call you to come over to show me how to download pictures, use my cell phone or open jars." (Trust me, this one is the best.)

Shoutouts:
- Though I can't yet use their names (some BS about Tom Cruise wanting the glory of the announcement), two (not one , but two) of our elite community are about to start production on their respective projects.  One is based on a script they wrote.  Their project will be shot in an International locale in February.  The other is a feature and will begin shooting in March.  Our mysterious friend wrote and will direct.  As soon as I'm cleared by the Scientology peeps, I'll let everyone know.
- Lovdy Grossman.  Lovdy.  Lovdy.  It's a fun name to say, isn't it?  Lovdy's cool Uncle James has a Fair Trade import site, so stock up on your Ethiopian shawls and Mexican baskets:  www.selecteclectic.com
- Virginia Fleck has joined the rest of us in the 21st Century by launching a "web site"!  Way to go!  Homework for Virginia:  Google the word "wifi" (the concept will blow your mind).  Check it out: www.VirginiaFleck.com
- It's hard when the young leave the ski chalet.  It must have been especially painful for Debbie and David when Crawford Arnow learned how to ski.  Way to go Crawford!  Learn to ski not to kill innocent animals like your father.
- Chris Riemenschneider!  You had a cute baby.  No.  I'm serious.  Check little Lila out (note:  this a bit of a paid endorsement because he's taking me to the Foo Fighters show, but once you factor out Chris' genes, she's still cute):

My moment of guilt: 
You're a teenager, and you've just paid the toothless codger to go in and buy you beer.  While you wait, one of your parent's friends drive up and engage in conversation.  You try to act cool, but you know, at any minute, the old crazy man is going to bust out, give you your Mickey's and demand his $5.  That is how I felt as I was talking to Teo Caffe owner and coffee snob extraordinaire, Matt Lee.  Here I was, listening to Matt's lecture about the chocolately goodness of  aged Sumatran beans and the wonders of Indie coffee, while I was ordering a Starbuck's latte (by the way, Matt has an unhealthy disdain for Starbuck's).  
Matt:  Gregory, what's that music in the background?
Gregory (muffling mouthpiece and taking a discrete sip of said latte):  Nothing, it must be a Cajun calling to his Catahoula.
Matt:  That's the Paul McCartney album that only plays in...in...STARBUCKS!
Gregory:  Are you sure you're not hearing a slot machine from one of the casinos?  Maybe the ordering of something blackened?
Matt:  Bastard.
(Matt hangs up)

Quick and Dirty "Levi" News:  Hurry!  If you haven't gotten your "Eating Levi" licensing rights, act now!  We're about to sign over viewing rights for Europe and the Middle East (the Saudis love to watch us make asses out of ourselves).  Also, we have been contacted to appear in festivals in Spain and Ireland. Word on SXSW should be coming soon.  Fingers are crossed, but we'll see.  Regardless, we will do an Austin screening.  We were also contacted about a NYC screening.  I'll keep everyone posted.

Tobias's Moment of Triumph:
As most of you must know, I'm not a joiner.  As some of you might know, Tobias, my son, is a hyper-joiner.  One can imagine the mental wresting that I contended with when Tobias decided to be a Cub Scout.  This blessing and curse of having a son who wants to be part of a poorly dressed group (funny hats, yellow scarves and all) was in glorious parade-like display when Tobias was given the task of racing a car in the Pinewood derby -- a Boy Scout tradition where children pin their hopes and self-worth on racing a 5 ounce piece of wood and four wheels.  Tobias really wanted to race, so me, Tobias and Chris Joffrion -- a childhood friend, owner of tools and a certified Cajun (he is listed as knowing how to cook raccoon and squirrel) -- set a goal to build a super-car.  Tobias went with a classic roadster design and, with the help of Chris, the Internet and licensed lead weights, we kicked the asses of the entire Pack (over 40 googly-eyed kids with victory on the mind)... WAIT... I'm a Scout dad.  That's not the Scout way of putting things...  Me, Tobias, Chris and the entire Pack 16 worked together to raise my son high atop the pile of mediocrity and, thusly, allowing him to squash the dreams of his lesser colleagues and drink (to his fellows) from Chalice of Glory.

Tobias' White Stripe poised to pounce

A Scout is always humble in victory?

Why I Want a Whole Foods in Shreveport:

Open plea to my friends at Whole Foods:  Help!  I need a grocery store that doesn't sell turkey tails (pictured below) without a modicum of irony.  Granted, these are organic turkey tails, but that is beside the point.

Recipes?

COMING NEXT ISSUE:  UBER EDITOR, 21st CENTURY RENAISSANCE MAN, SAM SELIS-INSPIRED MUSIC CONTEST!